Don't Waste Your Life

found out last night that my dad's been hospitalised.. and i didn't even know about it.. i had to find out from a third party.. and that sucked big time.. i felt so upset that they didn't tell me ok.. i guess despite all my talk abt cleaving from the family, i still care and i still wanna be in the know about things.. and not knowing reallie sucks.. mom said she didn't tell me cos she didnt want me to get worried, but owell..

dad's platelet levels are back up again, so they discharged him last night.. he's still gotta rest at home for a week though, so i hope he gets well soon..

sianz.. the landlady is here again.. haha.. reb has this thing against her cos she's always asking reb to turn down the heater cos we use too much electricity.. hah.. now i'm not even turning on the heater.. so she got nothing to say.. haha.. but owell..

life's been pretty cool these few days.. me and rebecca just bought our bicycles.. it makes going to school so much less torturous.. haha.. and i'm gonna try to make chicken rice for lunch later.. although i don't think it'll turn out much of a success, but nonetheless, it's much better than nothing.. :)

quite hungry now.. and although i wanna go out and cook lunch but i dowan to haf too much interaction with the landlady.. so i shall stay in my room for a while.. haha.. now they're banging away at something.. dang..

money's been spent like mad buying stuff.. bikes la, insurance la, groceries la, but owell, i hope the expenditures will go down soon.. then i can haf more spare cash to go out and tour the place and all.. :)

other than that, all's fine here reporting in Christchurch! Wee!

Yay!! Sickness is over!! For the first time in a week, I managed to keep awake in the daytime for more than 5 hours yesterday! Ate 3 regular meals, although it was juz a little porridge and chicken, but it really helped to keep my energy levels up. Today, I even felt well enough to order Chinese Takeaway (Fried Rice!), and oh man, it tastes good! Just like at home (haha.. almost.. nothing beats your cooking, Mom!). Just thirstily slurped up a bottle of diet Coke as well. :)

Adventure begins here! I shall show some nice pictures k!!

Ok, as an illustration of my life the first few days here in New Zealand, I shall show you this!



This my friend, is a steam circulator. What's it for, you may ask. Well, basically, none of us like to freeze our butts off, but in the weather here where temperatures drop to about 2 degrees at night, it's practically impossible to shower. It's not so much the showering in itself, but the 20 seconds of butt-freezing-dash between stripping urself naked outside the shower cubicle to running at top speed into the heavenly sprays of hot water. I swear, those 20 seconds are enough to kill you.

Here's where I pay tribute to Mr-Inventor-of-the-Ingenious-Steam-Circulator. What u're supposed to do is that once u walk into the bathroom, u turn on the Steam Circulator. Then u turn on the hot water at full blast. When the water's flowing at full blast, the steam rises and is circulated all around the room! Thus the whole room is warmed up, and you can strip and dress yourself in non-butt-freezing speed.

For you guys' information, I've been running a fever for the past 3 days, and I've essentially slept the past 3 days away. Haven't even done my enrolment yet, which I was supposed to do today.

Hehez.. I know you guys are expecting scenery pictures right? They'll come up soon! :)

Today is NZ day!

I'm flying off liao.. thankfully my bag still has extra baggage allowance.. cos i need to pack in the emotions.. they're quite heavy..

Hopefully when I pack them in, I can walk with light feet!

Weeeeee!!!

Hmm.. been looking through websites.. and i've made up a short preliminary things I want to do in NZ.. and i hope i will do these things no matter whether there are people doing it with me or not.. haha..

- take a train ride across NZ alone: it's time i spent time with myself and God.
- take coach rides everywhere
- watch e sunrise and sunset at the beach near my apartment at least once a week.
- visit Matamata: the site of Hobbiton in the LOTR trilogy
- visit the LOTR site in Christchurch where the final battle of the LOTR movie was filmed.
- visit Arthur's Pass, where the final battle of Narnia was filmed.
- dive at Poor Knights Marine Reserve: where apparently i can see stingrays and more. Apparently it's has remnants of volcanoes that erupted '11 million years' ago, and is rated one of the top 10 diving sites in the world.
- attend Sunday jazz services at Christchurch Cathedral
- join the UC Navs (maybe for winter camp?)
- attend Riccarton Community Church where the emphasis is on youths and serving the poor and disadvantaged.
- hang out w Rebecca at jazz pubs in central Canterbury and drink (muahahaha)
- attend a Parachute Band concert!!
- er.. Dr Sim asked me to visit social service agencies in NZ: one of each kind - youth, family, disadvantaged.. haha.. will i?

Will I be able to do all this? If I scrimp and save, and eat bread all e time, perhaps i can!

weeee!

Met up yesterday with Diana and the previous day with Eileen for farewell dinners. As I've decided that after yesterday, I will no longer meet people for dinners, but stay at home, I'm so glad that these are the last two people that I will meet up for a chat before i go.

I guess I hafta thank Hobs for introducing me to Eileen about a year ago. She's been awesome and her warmth juz radiates through her. It's awesome how we can share about God together, not just from an intellectual POV, but from our heart's resonance. The Lord has been really good to us, and given us precious opportunities to spend time together and share about our lives. She's really awesome. I really appreciate her for being such a patient listener, and more than that, being open with her emotions to share them with me. I guess even now as i type, i just appreaciate her so much in my heart.



As for Diana, haha.. it seems as though we've only physically known each other for about 5 months, but that we've actually known each other for much longer than that! haha.. little did i know that long before we met each other in Urban Youth Work, she had been reading my writing on this very same webpage!! So when we met, it seemed like.. woah! she already seemed to know me quite a bit.. hahaha.. it was pretty funny when she walked up to me in class one day and said :'Hi, you're Liren rite? Zhixiang's fren rite?' haha.. i was shocked out of my brains.. haha..

But Diana is also one person who's an awesome listener, a patient friend, and when she listens, u can almost feel the deep sense of compassion that flows out of her. It's almost like, her empathy engulfs you, that kind of feeling, and you just feel so comfortable in her presence. I think it comes from her knowledge that she has struggled before and she is still struggling, but she's not about to judge anyone anytime soon. I'm so glad i answered His call that day to buy that curry puff. :)

in this first instalment, you will be introduced to the three possible pupillage experiences (yes, there are only three).

Experience 1: Your Name is CG

your name is CG, and for some completely unknown reason you will have partners cold-calling throughout the day: “hello? i have work for you! oh, you’re working on something for so-and-so. okay! i have work for you!” very soon you start saying “****!” whenever the phone rings, much to the amusement of your work-neighbours (see Experience 3). associates will drop by and leave file after file after file after file until you have to sneakily employ a random desk-top fortuitously located next to yours. pupils not called CG will visit periodically and say “wah, so many files” or “wah, star pupil lor” or “wah, can’t see your desk already” or something equally annoying. but you are usually not around to hear it, because you are scuttling off (and occasionally, literally bolting) down the corridor to look for that partner who needed something an hour ago. associates will come by at 5.59pm and say “we have a meeting in ten minutes”, whereupon you have to call your friends and tell them you will be late for dinner or, worst case scenario, be a no-show. (you watch in envy as your work-neighbours leave on the dot.) it’s only 4 hours later at 10pm when the meeting ends that you realise this is the worst case scenario because your associate told you before leaving that she wants something tomorrow morning, which means you only step out of the office at 11.20pm. the saddest thing is that you are too timid to claim cab fare, and you don’t know the procedure anyway. the next morning, you come to work just in time to hear the “i’m so tired”s from your work-neighbours who are “just not used to this kind of working hours”.

Experience 2: The Seasonal Worker

you’re the luckiest of the lot, because you get to experience the double joys of utter boredom and utter busy-ness. all the mass emails sent to random associates/partners which you’ve spend one hour crafting and examining for “tone” and nuance are starting to pay off. “dear associate, i am desperate for work. please use me, before i start hurting myself physically the way i’m hurting inside. warm regards, ABC pupil, ext. 2467. don’t hesitate to call.” there is a fine, dangerous line between harrassment and pro-activeness, but that doesn’t bother you, because you know how to play the game. rather, your mentor has told all his associates to “get that guy off my back. give him something to do. aiyah, anything lah!” and so now and then, after a lull of a few hours of anxious waiting for the work to come rolling in, you get something that no other human wants to do, but which you receive with open arms and grateful smile because you are now a Busy Pupil. the smile starts to wane after you realise you have to translate 100 pages of mandarin to english and you’d studied in Britain for the last 6 years/fix the alignment of some Really Screwed Up Microsoft Word Document/locate a letter that even the secretaries believe does not exist. however, you count your blessings because there are enough on the dot days to counter the 9pm days, and you go to bed warm and happy knowing that your mentor cares.

Experience 3: Your Mentor Doesn’t Give a Damn

of course, you sit next to CG. every day you peer at him in curiosity while he peers at you: so close, yet worlds apart. you laugh every time he says “****!” when the phone rings. in the first week, there is no work. you experience much pain and suffering. in the second week, there is no work. the pain dulls to an ache, which is partially alleviated by many visits to the pantry and restroom. it is during this week that you start to explore the different possible ways of amusing yourself (more of that in another instalment). in the third week, there is no work. at this point, you are a tranformed person - no longer the sensitive, tremulous, eager pupil who is here to learn. instead, you’ve become something akin to a cabbage - the only productive thing accomplished every day being your marginal physical growth. you feel floppy and brainless and vegetably. as the days go by, you become increasingly bold, and converse with your fellow YMDGDs for longer periods and in louder volumes. there is much laughter and nonsense talk, but that doesn’t mean you’re happy. instead, you’re probably becoming insane (and i mean medically). there is only so much inactivity that a smart person can take. once in a blue moon you get a menial task that a Seasonal Worker didn’t have the luck to get *yeessss!!* but you’re not especially overjoyed because you know that in reality, you are a YMDGD. no amount of menial work that lasts all of half an hour (after you’ve purposely taken your own sweet time with it) can disguise that fact. every day, you leave on the dot, because “wayang-ing is the wrong culture to encourage”.

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haha.. i ripped this off elisa's blog.. it's pretty hilarious.. and i totally relate to it!! hahaha!

Life's been pretty normal flowing I guess. Work's been good. Amazing Race event went well, but not much to justify taking up space here.

Looking to find things that I can rejoice in. Work's juz kinda bland sometimes. i guess event management really not that much of my cup of tea.. i want the beef! the real stuff! the real talking to people! haha..

owell. i'm quite tired. hope tmr's praise team goes well. hope e meeting goes well. i dunno la.. things are juz like.. quite bland.. there's nth much to excite me anymore.. i wish there was sth that would make me live life to its max all over again.

this morning i sat on my bed and thought of what if i knew that my life would end in 3 mths. how would i live it? then i thought of wat zach said abt his bro: that he's doing more new things than ever before. how would i live it? i would, firstly go hug and tell all the ppl i love that i love them. hmm.. actually that's all i wanna do. in fact, there's hardly anything more impt to me. maybe if my life was ending, i'd put in much more effort and risk much more shame and paiseh-ness to love those that i wanna love.

love u. (everyone who reads this is included in 'u').

She looked at her son. This son, who's a full Professor in Mathematics and Computing at NUS. Probably earning tonnes of money. This son, who's taught at Harvard, MIT and Cambridge before. This son, who's going to Cambridge to do his research in a couple of months. This son, who is blind in 1 eye and who was classmates with Dr William Tan the wheelchair marathoner. And all she said was:' Ah Chiang, eat more. Eat the fish. Chia herh.' (that means 'eat fish' in Teochew)

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I looked into his eyes. I saw his pain. I saw his realisation that his greatest fear had come true. He was doing well in life. The Deputy Director of an international youth programme that had benefitted hundreds of youths. He lived in a nice private house. He drove, spoke good English, and could afford to send his son to motivational camps. Yet, he couldn't understand why his son turned out with a mental illness. He couldn't. With fear, despair yet strength in his eyes, he looked at us and asked:'It's curable, right?'

_______________________________________________________

It was about an hour after we rounded up the counselling session. I had finished the debrief with my supervisor and was on the way home. I was taking the bus, and as it passed by the bus stop, I saw them. Yes, the father and son that had just come in for counselling a while ago. The son had taken a knife and tried to stab the mom. Yet at that bus stop, all that fear and anger and pain had ceased, if only for a little while. The son had jumped on his father's back, trying to get himself piggy-backed. It was a scene straight out of an MCYS 'Family-Life Matters!' advertisement. Yet behind that scene was so much pain and fear.

_______________________________________________________

She looked at him and held his hand. It was to be another day at work for him. Another day when he'd be out there counselling others, yet helpless to help her. Another day when she'd be at home alone, and he'd be at work, learning and sharing lives and helping virtually complete strangers. She looked at him and said:'Will today be very stressful for you? You have case today? Coming home for dinner?'
_______________________________________________________


I guess I will never understand the love of a parent. I will never fully know it. Maybe even when I have my own child, I will not understand why I am willing to give my life for her. It's one of the mysteries of life.


Teach us Your way, O God, that we may fear Your name.

boo!

sadz.. it seems post-result-release does influence people quite a bit.. jacq was telling me abt how maybe she'll graduate in yr 3 cos of this sem's grades.. other frens spent the whole day lying in bed not knowing what to do.. i dunno.. tough larh..

jacq told me yesterday that i shouldn't tell people i'm mediocre on my blog.. cos my results are not that mediocre.. hmm.. i do agree.. but at the same time.. when i talked about mediocre i was mainly talking about my pre-uni days.. maybe cos i was stuck with some pretty brilliant people.. so it seemed so.. but what i want to say is.. i think we each have our own histories and our own pasts to deal with.. and each one of us has our very-high-ups and our very-low-downs.

i still dream of my very-high-ups (like when i made that fantastic flying save as a goalkeeper in secondary school) and i still pine about my very-low-downs (like when WL said no to me), but yearh we all need to deal with these things over the course of years.

hmm ok i'm rambling nonsense now.. but i shall continue..

each person is different and each person is different.

i'm glad i've found a niche and i like what i'm doing in uni now. i honestly could never ask for another course. really. hob can testify to that. she always tells ppl that i'm a true-blue social worker. hahaha.. over the course of my time at REACH, i realised that yearh, i do love what i'm doing. but i also realised with the conversations w Joe, Ed and Fal that maybe I really am not cut out for youth work. i may choose to further my studies in counselling if things go in the current direction.

dad was talking about our church's upcoming project to the Henan AIDS village where 80% of the people have AIDS. about how they intend to do a project in our church to sponsor these kids and their education. i wish i could go. i wish i could go. if it becomes a good opening and a permanent project of our church, i might just go. (provided the church pays me).. haha.. i dunno.. i really wanna do humanitarian work overseas.. development work.. i really want to.. really really really want to..

i feel self-actualised.

went for my supervisor's talk today! the topic was 'Breaking the Barrier: How to talk to your teens about BGR and sex.'

hehe.. there were about 15 parents.. some of whom were dressed like they were in the 1960s but expressed thoughts so progressive that I thought she was from the 22nd century. there was this other Malay doctor who spoke with such wisdom that we were all ears the moment he opens his mouth.

i feel self-actualised. because besides the usual arranging of chairs, receptioning, taking attendance, collecting payment, issuing receipts and preparing refreshments, today i spoke.

the parents were shooting their questions and sharing answers.. but in almost all cases i felt so strongly that these parents didn't understand their kids at all.. and that there was such a huge gap between their understanding of the world and their kids understanding. for example, the world doesnt operate on telephones anymore. it operates on computers and internet and stuff.

so i spoke. i tried to help them understand the nature of the world that is what we live in. the nature of youths today. and i shared with them some of the things i wished my parents did for me. coming from the lips of a just-post-teen and a social work intern, i'd like to believe those words held some weight for them.

hopefully, their kids would be a bit more understood. :)

I seem to be going through many existential crises all at the same time. It's incredibly painful as I ask myself 'Who Am I?' again and again and again. I realise that I'm really not at peace with myself.


Existential Crisis 1:

All my life I've wanted to be a scholarship holder. Or rather since JC days. I've always felt mediocre in whatever I've sought to achieve. I wanted to prove to myself and those around me that there was something I was good at and I could do as well as anybody. I never achieved that in my studies. I was never good at sports. Others looked good (ok.. they didnt technically achieve that), still others were good at something else. Finally, I received a scholarship. In a field that I noe I'm good at. In a field that I know God has called me to. But yet, I chose not to take it up. It's a $20, 000 decision. The reason is because if I took the scholarship, I would've had to work with Viriya Community Services for two years. It's a Buddhist organisation, and it's orientation is explicitly Buddhist. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that because it's a Buddhist organisation, I can't work for them, or anything along that line. Or that Christians will reject anything Buddhist. It's not that, in fact I LOVE the work that DREAMS does. (DREAMS is the centre that Viriya runs for youths at-risk). It's so awesome, I even recommended them to two RJC volunteers who walked into Reach today. but as I talked to Dad, to Xiao-zhen and to Falicia, I realised that I have values myself, values that I do not wish to be diluted or changed. Especially so in my first early years as a freshly graduated social worker, I'd like to be able to at least maintain these values.

I rejected a scholarship. A scholarship that could've saved my parents $20,000. A scholarship in a field I love, and a scholarship I've wanted so badly. I honestly feel so bad. Bernard, am I still double-minded? Please don't blankly accuse me.


Existential Crisis 2:

Been reading and thinking about my childhood and adolescence, and how it can potentially affect my work as a social worker in the future. As I run through those things, I could never find something deeply hurting or painful that affected me deeply. But I always felt that something was wrong with me, and somehow I could not find peace within myself.

I finally realised what it was on sunday as I sat on my bed praying before going to church. I realised that I have so much compassion for the poor, that I'm unable to accept myself for coming from a relatively well-to-do background. That's why I really hate it when people even suggest to me that I'm rich, can-afford-it etc etc etc. I cringe at myself everytime people say those things. Because I don't want people to see me as a 'rich-spoilt-brat'.

I can't come to terms with myself, and I find no peace within.


Existential Crisis 3:


Scene: Refreshment table outside Nav rally.

I'd just prepared the refreshments for that rally that day. Bananas with chocolate syrup. Awesome stuff.

Liren stands there eating his FIRST piece of banana.
SJ: Hey! You should stop eating! You're so fat already!


Scene: Refreshment table outside Church service

Liren stands there eating jelly.
SSSE: Hey! Can you stop eating that jelly???? Do you know how fat you already are???!?


Scene: in car with Mr dunno-what's-his-name-but-he's-my-neighbour

Liren sits there doing nothing.
Mr DWHNBHMN: How old are you?
Liren: 23
Mr DWHNBHMN: WOAH!!! 23 only and you have such a figure??!?

Scene: at work, Reach Family Service Centre

Liren sits there thinking about what's being shared at the mentor workshop

Mr EP: Hey Liren. what would you do if your mentee came up to you and said: 'Yeee! I don't like you because you're too fat.'?


Scene: at home, over dinner, eating fried bee hoon

Liren stares at his beehoon, and feeds it into his mouth mechanically. Not cos it tastes especially good or anything, just cos he's tired and can't really think.

Dad: now that you're working in office, try to cut down your carbohydrate intake. Like when you eat lunch, ask for less rice. eat more fruits.
Mom: yes. yes. cut down. cut down. cut down. *reaches out her chopsticks and takes away 1/3 of Liren's beehoon before Liren can make any response*

Liren keeps silent the rest of the dinner.

Honestly, I'm hurt. I'd have thought that the first place I could go to without being judged on that was at home. Thought of some other things that mom said on saturday night. It hurt even more.


Existential crisis number 3: I'm fat. Can people accept me as fat? Can they?


I shared this with NUSHA peeps before, at the shisha place when Jacq-jacq asked me what's my greatest insecurity in life, what keeps me up awake at night. I shared as nakedly and honestly as I possibly could, and they're one bunch that hasn't said shit to me yet in this area. Is it any wonder why I love hanging out with them?

I'd wish I could be totally secure at home, but instead of facilitating that security, I'm being made insecure. I'm made out to be the dirtiest and most untidy person in the world. I'm made out to be making a grave moral mistake. My mom doesnt hesitate to tell me that I turn girls off because of my untidiness. She's been saying it since I was 14.


Perhaps then indeed. I am poorer than the poorest of the poor.

Life is not about where you go... but about the footprints you leave on others' hearts.

Hmm.. i'm gonna write abt sms-es today.

I sent an sms out today. At abt 10am. Hope u received it, although I didn't get any reply from you. You've removed your blog, and I havent seen u online for quite a few days already. Hope u're doing fine. Not sure if u blocked me, but just wanna let you know that I care. I know that even if you stop coming online, or moved your blog elsewhere, u'll still read my blog. So this will be my means of communication with you. Take care.

Round about 630pm today, I also received another sms. It was honestly not something I wanted to read. As I read it, I stared straight at my bowl of rice, and I think mom and bro kinda noticed. But because of the nature of the sms, I had to hide my facial expressions. I hope people will understand things from my point of view too. I'm 23. I think honestly, legally and in other terms, I have a right to be allowed to make my decisions. Why are people making me do things just so that they'll feel better? Is this how the world works? Is driving that big a deal after all?

Please try to see things from my direction. I won't be the only Singaporean there. It's so unreasonable to expect me to go there and join tours. Cos even if you gave me the money to do that, I cant expect the rest of my fellow SEP pals to do that. And how? I go on my own? They do their own thing? What is this? Sigh. I'm so upset about this, but I cant say anything.

Sometimes, I wonder if certain things become tools that we use to grab a hold onto others. If we harp on it sufficiently enough, we can make the other party feel guilty enough to let us have our way. Sigh.

Reach is great so far. I'm really enjoying myself.. the social workers and the counsellors in the centre are really friendly and warm.. and they don't really treat us as students at all! they treat us as one of them, and for that i'm really thankful.

Boss is great. His name is Johnson and my guess is that he's probably in his 50s already. Used to work at Care Corner under Dr Sim, but now he's the Executive Director of Reach. Very experienced worker, and i'm glad he's willing to trust me with cases. I'm going to handle a case next week, right from session 1. Meanwhile, I've been tasked to do my research on the possible causes of the issues at hand, and to write a hypothesis of my initial assessment. In addition, I have to plan the course of the first session with the client and discuss it with my boss on Monday. This is exciting.

One person that really strikes me is Lay Tshin. She's this lady who works as the receptionist. Her daughter is already entering uni age, so u can roughly guess Lay Tshin's age. I dunno why, but there's this air of humility and quietness around her that really seems to emanate from her table at the reception. Although the rest of the workers don't talk to her very much, but i can sense her doing her part just to keep the office going and running and taking calls. I should chat more with her. :)

Not been doing much outside of work actually. At 6pm I'm usually so tired I can't wait to get home, have dinner and get a good sleep before the next day comes again. When I get home, I just go online and chat with people, especially those whom I may not get to chat with very much in the near future. Maybe I really should start my drum lessons. :)

Junchao invited me to play the drums for the saturday night worship service. Honestly, I'd love to. But I cant make it for this sat's one as there's nusha AGM. Mayb another time. :) And oh yarh, I might hafta juggle for the Bishan RC's block party. I mean JUGGLE. Yes the thing you do with 3 balls in your hands.

I'm so excited!! Woah, as from tomorrow, I shall be thrust into the semi-real world of social work. I shall be a student attached at the Centre mentioned above. It'll be a time to test my mettle, strengthen myself emotionally, thinking more theoretically (I realised after a brief conversation with two Counsellors on Monday, one from Fei Yue and the other from Singapore Children's Society, that YES, these professionals do talk very theoretically, even if we try hard as students not to believe it. They actually discuss the benefits of different theories!!! OMG). It'll be a time when I will see more of the real world, and the people who live in it. A time when I have to face the sadness of doing admin work. A time when, finally, I get to experience if the calling that i think God has given me will come to fruition.

It seems tough. My interviews yesterday and today with AWWA and Viriya respectively have taught me that social work is a profession like any other, with people who want to climb higher and go faster. People who are willing to take positions that I can never see myself doing, and love them.

I hope my supervisor is kind. I hope I can get a chance to handle many different kinds of cases. I hope that I will be willing to learn and do as much as I can. Especially, when it comes to doing dirty work. Lotsa people I've talked to so far have told me to be prepared for dirty work. But after the army experience, I have a natural disaffinity to sai-gang. Hope I will not show attitude, but to accept it humbly, as I will prolly be the lowest-ranked of everyone there. Oh, and I hope my fellow student attachee is nice too!

I'm excited. I pray that I might really make a difference in peoples' lives, and not just do an attachment. I want a real, human experience. I want God to be in the centre of it all.

Wow.. I really thought this elections the Workers' Party stood a decent chance of getting a good representation in this election.. went to the Hougang rally on Sunday night, hoping to be convinced to give them a chance.. but alas! The rally left me deeply disappointed, even more convinced that the WP is out to score political points, and not really implement or speak out about policies that they truly feel are unfair.

Let me cite a few examples from the speeches I heard from the rally that day:
1. The Progress Package is merely a bribe from the PAP government to coerce people to vote for them.

HUH??

HUH No. 1:
When Mr Low Thia Khiang talked about this, ALL the uncles and aunties around me were cheering like mad... and ppl at the front shouted 'Workers' Party! Workers' Party!'.
Wait wait wait... when the package was announced.. how many of those aunties and uncles were actually happy that they got money from the govt? and how many of those who were on stage went to the ATMs and gladly pressed 'I accept'?

So if the Progress Package was a bribe, all these people on stage or off stage who took the money are people who received bribes! woah!! that makes them people with no integrity at all larh!! they took bribes that they were not supposed to!

So is Progress Package still a bribe?
HUH No. 2:

Do we have ANY idea how many people out there needed the money badly? To pay bills, to buy food etc.. and here we are saying that they were accepting BRIBES??!! Argh!! The fact that they took money that the govt gave to them has reduced them to immoral, bribe-receiving bastards!! Woohoo!! Wee!!

How can a compassionate man who truly cares for people actually say something like that?


2. That the government intends to use means-testing in the future to make people who can pay higher healthcare charges pay higher rates, and the poorer ones pay lower rates.. WP argues that this is unfair.. but it's argument is not congruent..

First they say that healthcare is something that the Government should provide for all. Then they say that the people should be allowed to pay for whatever class service they want to pay. Wait wait wait..

HUH No 1.
Isnt the WP aware that in ANY country that has a welfarist status, it has crippled and crashed economies and bankrupted hospitals, people who take 9 years to do a Bachelors degree cos edun is free.. and people who refuse to work so as to claim welfare benefits.. we only haf 3 million people.. do we really want that?

HUH No. 2
Ask anyone.. i mean ANYONE.. u'll find out that ALL social service agencies in the world use some form of sliding-scale to charge clients.. erm.. and now u're coming to say it's a tool of oppression by PAP? huh?


3. That all the forms of means-testing used by the Government will be unfair. Ms Silvia Lim suggested some types of means-testing that the Govt might likely use:

'WP chairman Sylvia Lim, who leads the party's Aljunied GRC team, wanted to know what criteria the Government will use to determine how much subsidy a patient will get.

For example, if house size is used, a person living in a three-room HDB flat is not necessarily less well-off than a five-room flat dweller, she argued.

Using mean household income is also not on because family size differs. Pointing out that some people support parents who are not staying with them, she said: 'If we make the same amount of money, it does not mean that we have the same amount of money to spend.'' Straits Times, May 1 2006

Wait wait wait..

HUH:
Why did Ms Lim not mention 'per capita household income' as a criteria for means-testing? hmm.. was it because she just wanted to put her point across that PAP is unfair? That she wanted to rouse the emotions of the crowd? Because if she mentioned per capita household income (which, btw is a very likely tool that will be used), then PAP can't sound unfair anymore? Cos i think per capita household income is a very fair way of testing!! How can she say that not everyone has the same number of people to take care of? There has to be a line set somewhere.

Please don't purposely leave out points in your speech to make people feel good about your party. It ain't very fair.

May the voters decide.

Wisely.

Although we didnt like talk non-stop.. but nonetheless i still really enjoyed it.. so sorry for the loong standing time.

Yesterday kinda made me realise just how much I'm gonna miss you when 24th May 5am comes.

Walked home really quickly from the bus stop at 1125 last night. My mouth gaping at how precious you are and trying to stop the tears from coming out.

Who's gonna watch movies that I wanna watch with me? Who will chit chat about randomest things with me? Who will I go for random campus concerts with, or eat cockles with me? Or tell me that 麦片虾 is super ultra nice? Or make lame jokes? Or crow stupidly like a pigeon? Or pat my shoulder when I think about sad things?

Patting your shoulder has kinda become a familiar feeling to my hands. Like how I know how much strength to use when I hoist WeiWei up into my arms, cos her weight is instinctive to me. :) Your smile and laughter never fails to cheer me up. :)

'Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.' Jn 15:13

I dunno why, but this is one line that I always think of when I think about Melvyn. No, we've not died for each other, neither have we given anything significant to each other, but I believe this is a friendship that we're both willing to sacrifice each other. We're willing to give our lives and our time to each other, to share and bear each others' burdens.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

He was there when I was down, and he always sat by the pool and listened to me. Once in a while he'd poke my tummy and say:'Eh brudder, u gotta lose weight la!'.

You won't believe how we started out. We were only ever classmates for 2 years. The first interaction I ever had with him was him running from 10metres behind and giving my butt a giant smack. I was shocked (cos nobody slapped by buttocks before, u see), but at that very moment I had this inclination I would strike up a big friendship with this guy. Somehow this inclination of mine is always accurate. I had the same inclination when I met Mindy and when I met Xiao-zhen, and also more recently somebody else.

The days we had were short. We were only classmates for one year, but our gang would always walk home together from school. Shenglong, Xiangtai, Melvyn, me and Xunwu (who would take mrt home). I've lost significant contact with the rest, except maybe XT whom I still see in school sometimes.

Somehow, me and melvyn always took the same path, we went to Hwa Chong together, and we ended up here in NUS now. It helped tremendously that we lived just opposite of each other. But i think what gave our friendship the biggest shot in the arm was his commitment. No matter what happened, his commitment to me and to himself never wavered.

And also to his family. He's one guy who really cares a lot about his family, although he doesn't express it in hugs and kisses. The man who works to support himself so his brothers and sisters can have a more comfortable schooling life. The man who's always talking about how fuel-saving the Toyota Vios is so that the money can be saved for his siblings. Sometimes I wonder if he went ahead and grew up, while I'm still stuck at my i-want-to-be-a-social-worker-and-help-the-world idealism.

His note to me when we graduated in sec 4:

What I want: to see myself and my friends do well and prosper in life.

Well, bro. After so many years, we still don't agree to so many things. Like how to bring up my niece. But it's ok. It's this difference that helps us to grow. We're better persons for it. We've prospered in many many ways. One of those ways, is your heart. :)

Take care.