Facing the Giant Shadow
I was really lost for words. Really didn't know what to say to her and for her.
I think even though death is something I think about relatively often, given my slightly more morbid outlook on life and the nature of my work, I realised that it is really still not easy to talk to someone who is staring at death in its face.
Facing the Giant Shadow. How fitting, a giant shadow that covers over all that you see and all that you perceive, darkening every footstep. The shadow of the valley of death. When will light come?
We know that Despair = Suffering - Meaning. Happiness doesn't come on its own, but it comes with the successful pursuit of meaning, when there is more to life than just that shadow, even though the shadow seems to be all that we can see.
I tried to explore and help her think about meaning, but at times I felt that I was being insensitive, even to the point when I felt talking about meaning was an insult to her suffering. I felt trapped in between knowing that finding meaning will really help her to cope with her suffering, but yet feeling that meaning was so far away for her. How do we even talk about meaning when all she wants is to survive? But yet without meaning, her suffering is even more torturous.
Does anyone know how I could explore about meaning and suffering without descending into insensitivity and without having it all fly over my client's head?
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"Once an individual's search for meaning is successful, it not only renders him happy but also gives him the capability to cope with suffering? And what happens if one's groping for a meaning has been in vain? It may well result in a fatal condition.
The more a patient, instead of forgetting himself through giving himself, directly strives for orgasm, i.e. sexual pleasure, the more this pursuit of sexual pleasure becomes self-defeating. Indeed, what is called 'the pleasure principle' is, rather, a fun-spoiler."
Viktor E. Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning.
I think even though death is something I think about relatively often, given my slightly more morbid outlook on life and the nature of my work, I realised that it is really still not easy to talk to someone who is staring at death in its face.
Facing the Giant Shadow. How fitting, a giant shadow that covers over all that you see and all that you perceive, darkening every footstep. The shadow of the valley of death. When will light come?
We know that Despair = Suffering - Meaning. Happiness doesn't come on its own, but it comes with the successful pursuit of meaning, when there is more to life than just that shadow, even though the shadow seems to be all that we can see.
I tried to explore and help her think about meaning, but at times I felt that I was being insensitive, even to the point when I felt talking about meaning was an insult to her suffering. I felt trapped in between knowing that finding meaning will really help her to cope with her suffering, but yet feeling that meaning was so far away for her. How do we even talk about meaning when all she wants is to survive? But yet without meaning, her suffering is even more torturous.
Does anyone know how I could explore about meaning and suffering without descending into insensitivity and without having it all fly over my client's head?
______________________________________________________
"Once an individual's search for meaning is successful, it not only renders him happy but also gives him the capability to cope with suffering? And what happens if one's groping for a meaning has been in vain? It may well result in a fatal condition.
The more a patient, instead of forgetting himself through giving himself, directly strives for orgasm, i.e. sexual pleasure, the more this pursuit of sexual pleasure becomes self-defeating. Indeed, what is called 'the pleasure principle' is, rather, a fun-spoiler."
Viktor E. Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning.
Words spoken to your client are only insentive if they're unfactual, pretenciously overtly positive without being based on facts, or simply your opinion, not hers. If you could ellict exceptions, or even an irony that might not make sense, at the least it shows U observed something about her that is factual. That is observable. That stands as a pillar of truth that she can hold on to. Elliciting exceptions. I was talking to my sis how people who have committed sucide are actually very brave. People think that they're cowards cause that can't face life and choose death. Truth is they do not choose death. They do not want to die. They're just afraid to live. But they muster enough inner courage
to commit suicide. My sis retorted "What's the point? You're going to them they brave enough to commit suicide, so they can be brave enough to live?" No. The point is that someone, you, the counsellor has cared enough to observe something seemingly so minute and understand enough to establish a fact that they can hold on it. Someone connected.
Works only if there's an opportunity for elliciting exceptions, and only if your client has a degree of self-awareness.