Ringing in my head
Some of you know that I was really quite disappointed in myself after Live Supervision on Monday. Felt quite upset firstly at my lousy micro-skills and then by the fact that I can't seem to get over and resolve some of my personal transference issues. In fact, at the debrief I could feel my tears welling up; I was just so irritated at my own issues.
And because of that, I started feeling very much like I wasn't fit to do counselling anymore, I kept doubting whether I could do a good job and whether my clients would benefit. And I was really afraid, because I thought those fears and insecurities would make me an even worse counselor.
This morning on my way to work, I decided to go listen to a random Corrinne May song. And it brought me to one of my fave Corrinne May songs which I had not listened to for some time; 'Five Loaves and Two Fishes'.
For a long time, I have not felt encouraged by a song already. But I felt the tears welling up as I listened to it. Take my fears, my inhibitions, all my burdens and ambitions..
I said a silent prayer. I often think about that boy, when I'm feeling small. When I worry about the work I do.. means nothing at all.. Lord, assure me that what I do is significant. I crave so much for significance. But every single tear I cry is a diamond in his hands; and every door that slams in my face I will offer up in prayer..
Asking God to take the little I have and feed the thousands with it. So I'll give you every breath that I have.. Oh Lord You can work miracles.. All you need is my Amen...
And with that, I reached my office door. The day began, my only counselling session at 2:30pm which I really felt inadequate. My client has been going through the toughest time of his life, but today he came and told me that he's just been through some shit that 'tops it all'. I listened, patiently, asking questions, clarifying, reflecting, paraphrasing, empathising, challenging, guiding his thoughts, drawing strengths. Micro-skills. I didn't have much theory, but just helped him process his thoughts in ways that I normally process my thoughts.
The session lasted 1.5hrs. I rounded it up and gave a small piece of homework. He was keen on it and said that homework gave him some perspective.
And at the end as we walked out of the counseling room, he said 'Thank you for not running away like my previous counselor. Maybe he couldn't take what I was telling him, or maybe he just didn't understand.'
Wow.
That.Blew.My.Mind.
Don't think I need to elaborate why. :)
And because of that, I started feeling very much like I wasn't fit to do counselling anymore, I kept doubting whether I could do a good job and whether my clients would benefit. And I was really afraid, because I thought those fears and insecurities would make me an even worse counselor.
This morning on my way to work, I decided to go listen to a random Corrinne May song. And it brought me to one of my fave Corrinne May songs which I had not listened to for some time; 'Five Loaves and Two Fishes'.
For a long time, I have not felt encouraged by a song already. But I felt the tears welling up as I listened to it. Take my fears, my inhibitions, all my burdens and ambitions..
I said a silent prayer. I often think about that boy, when I'm feeling small. When I worry about the work I do.. means nothing at all.. Lord, assure me that what I do is significant. I crave so much for significance. But every single tear I cry is a diamond in his hands; and every door that slams in my face I will offer up in prayer..
Asking God to take the little I have and feed the thousands with it. So I'll give you every breath that I have.. Oh Lord You can work miracles.. All you need is my Amen...
And with that, I reached my office door. The day began, my only counselling session at 2:30pm which I really felt inadequate. My client has been going through the toughest time of his life, but today he came and told me that he's just been through some shit that 'tops it all'. I listened, patiently, asking questions, clarifying, reflecting, paraphrasing, empathising, challenging, guiding his thoughts, drawing strengths. Micro-skills. I didn't have much theory, but just helped him process his thoughts in ways that I normally process my thoughts.
The session lasted 1.5hrs. I rounded it up and gave a small piece of homework. He was keen on it and said that homework gave him some perspective.
And at the end as we walked out of the counseling room, he said 'Thank you for not running away like my previous counselor. Maybe he couldn't take what I was telling him, or maybe he just didn't understand.'
Wow.
That.Blew.My.Mind.
Don't think I need to elaborate why. :)
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