I just experienced a family triangle
To those of you studying Bowen for Family paper on monday, I just experienced a family triangle.
Bowen says that when one is stressed in a relationship with another family member, he tends to drag in a 3rd party to help diffuse the stress.
Eg. 'Your mom's always late!'
Hm. Mom has been stressed with the tonnes of stuff going on with the moving of house and Christmas programme in church. I think she brought up some stuff with Dad a few weeks ago and he got quite upset. So yesterday, when she felt the same way about the issues, she didnt talk to Dad about it, but to me. 'Dad gets upset when I tell him about this, so this time, I didnt mention it.'
"If something's really bothering you and you're afraid to talk about it - afraid you won't be listened to - the urge to confide in someone else is overwhelming. Unburdening yourself to a friend will make you feel better. It will also lessen the likelihood that you'll engage the problem at its source. Triangulation lets off steam, but it freezes conflict in place. The trouble with triangles isn't so much that complaining or seeking solace is wrong, but rather that many triangles become diversions that undermine relationships"
Bowen says that when one is stressed in a relationship with another family member, he tends to drag in a 3rd party to help diffuse the stress.
Eg. 'Your mom's always late!'
Hm. Mom has been stressed with the tonnes of stuff going on with the moving of house and Christmas programme in church. I think she brought up some stuff with Dad a few weeks ago and he got quite upset. So yesterday, when she felt the same way about the issues, she didnt talk to Dad about it, but to me. 'Dad gets upset when I tell him about this, so this time, I didnt mention it.'
"If something's really bothering you and you're afraid to talk about it - afraid you won't be listened to - the urge to confide in someone else is overwhelming. Unburdening yourself to a friend will make you feel better. It will also lessen the likelihood that you'll engage the problem at its source. Triangulation lets off steam, but it freezes conflict in place. The trouble with triangles isn't so much that complaining or seeking solace is wrong, but rather that many triangles become diversions that undermine relationships"
- Nichols, Family Therapy
Just alittle sharing on my part. I think i'm like the most undifferentiated person in my family or something. Most vulnerable to being pulled in by my parents... Even worse... I seem 'programmed' to initiate my involvement at times! =(
haaa... i think it's a healthy triangle leh. as long as you can handle it without compromising on your objectivity, like what Bowen would say...haaaa